I got married when I was 17 to my narc. From the beginning he put me down and told me even my parents didn't want me. That's why they married me to him and left me in Oklahoma. Right away he started with affairs. And the most devastating one was the first. Worst part about this all is I believed every word he told me about me. All these years I felt dirty, ugly and not worthy of love. 40 years I gave him. And for the longest even my kids thought I was crazy.
 
This picture here was when I had suicidal ideation. Ended up with a mental breakdown. And 6 months later after a year divorced I went back. And in the process I lost my 2 adopted daughters because they didn't like the way he treated us. So they left soon there after. 6 months after I remarried him I found out I had breast cancer. Through all my chemotherapy I still took care of him. I found out later he had told my adopted daughters not to help me.
 
I'm fixing to be 57 in 5 days and I feel like I wasn't present in my own life . I've lost so much.